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Dear Michelle,
My CurlyQ is this. I don't want to have sex as much as my husband does. Should I 'just do it' to keep him happy? grin-and-bear-it.
This is a really common question we get at the store and the answer is both yes and no.
No-one wants to feel pressured to have sex and it's your prerogative to say NO whenever you want. But relationships do thrive on sexual intimacy and if you're not feelin' it, now is the time to question why and address it.
Often times it's because of stress, tiredness, health or pain issues, annoyance at your partner, kids or flatmates around or just plain old disinterest. Delve into the why and discuss it together to work a way around it.
A brilliant book that helps you work out what fuels your desires and what doesn't (our brakes and accelerators) is Emily Nagoski's Come As You Are Workbook. Highly recommended and super fun!
The reason why we suggest saying YES to sex, even when you're not in the mood, is because once you actually begin, arousal builds and you end up having a really good time. Don't rely on desire taking the lead or you may never have sex again!
Try reading erotica, masturbating often and spending time apart from your lover so that desire has a chance to grow.
Until next week,
Michelle xxx
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olivia sumich
Hi Michelle
I wanted to add some more things that challenge our libido include grief, physical and psychological changes post pregnancy, having your skin to skin contact needs met from your contact with your baby (feeling satiated), sleep deprivation, peri-menopause and menopause…
It’s as if every aspect of life conspires to dampen our desires especially as we get older and life becomes more complex.
I would love it if you have recommendations on more books that delve into this topic!