Welcome to a series of spooky stories from our pleasure chest. From disappearing plugs to gruesome goo, tuck-in for a chilling lesson in choosing the right lubricant.

Once upon a dreaded midnight, I was pondering that rather faded cliche, “The devil made me do it.” In the shaded cabinet of my mind, and the torture chamber of my loins, I grappled with how that tired old phrase has been used in infinite variations to explain some of the most ghastly of deeds.

Was it fear of the dark? Of solitude? Of death? I imagine they all fit within that greatest of all fears…fear of the unknown. But, then I fear that in these modern times there is so little left of the unknown.

When I bought my beloved Eliza (a dildo), I brushed off the wise words of that goddess sales woman. I refused to look at the carefully procured ‘Lube Info’ card and carelessly, in my raging devil horniness, slathered her in the überest of potions.



The savage demon, it did possess me.


Death. Well it is inevitable, yet there would be few among us who have not led it a merry chase. In my ignorant bliss, my greedy wont, my fervent desire, I drowned my lover in the river of avarice.


“As I kissed her goodbye, I said, 'All beauty must die'.

And lent down and planted a rose between her teeth.”

Forgive my night’s excursion into the macabre. I trust I haven’t frightened you away. Welcome to Kinky Nightmares Volume 1.

Always use water based lube with your silicone toys, lest the devil's infection seize you.

 

With thanks to the dark lords Vincent Price and Nick Cave for their inspiration.