How attuned are you with your own personal fantasies? Vanilla or otherwise, the ability to daydream and fantasise is integral to expanding our own pleasure potential. So many of us find ourselves disconnected from these dreams, due to societal and systemic pressures. But, not for long.

1. Free Your Mind. THE GUILT EXPERIMENT.

Much of what stops us being a wildcat in the bedroom are the layers of guilt we feel about enjoying sex. Think about how your beliefs might be inhibiting your ability to experience deep pleasure. Many of these beliefs are taught to us by our parents, society, culture and the millennia of sexual suppression we have endured. Below is an example of how you can turn your old ideas into new ones. Use the new ideas as affirmations and repeat them to yourself often.

FILL IN YOUR OWN OLD AND NEW BELIEFS

OLD BELIEFS (EXAMPLE) NEW BELIEFS (EXAMPLE)

If I enjoy sex I'll be called a slut.

I absolutely adore sex.

Men sleep with the bad girls but marry the good girls.

Sex is good and wonderful. A great sex life is imperative to a good relationship.

Penises and vaginas are dirty.

I love cock! I have a gorgeous pussy!

Sleeping around is dangerous.

I am entitled to explore my sexuality.

I only have sex because my partner wants it.

Great sex creates intimacy and connection.

My partner doesn't want to see my body.

My partner gets off on my body and loves to see me in ecstasy.

 

2. Read. Watch. Pin.

Often because of the inherent guilt we feel about truly loving sex, we repress our fantasies. The goal here is to give our imagination a little push so that it be filled with rich, luscious scenarios to fuel our lovemaking.

READ: Erotica - I recommend short stories such as Best Women's Erotica.

WATCH: Seek out the kinds of erotica that turns you on. (Make Love Not Porn, anyone?) Make a list and refine, refine and keep refining your searches. Once you know what you like you can pay for the porn you like best. Choose ethically made porn if you can (where consent, boundaries and transparency are celebrated).

PIN: Get a Pinterest account and make a board of inspiring images. You will uncover the landscape of your erotic mind and be able to build on it.

3. Investigate.

If you wanted to research an overseas holiday, you would click for hours on your computer checking hotels, prices, destinations and eateries. When looking for erotica, we often don't put in the same effort. Approach this exercise with diligence and curiosity. You will inevitably find stories, gifs and porn that you don't like and you can disregard it. But when you find material that you love, investigate more like it. Note the director of the film, use hashtags, follow the themes in the story you read and find books that explore that theme more thoroughly. If it's a prison scene that turns you on, group sex, interracial sex, lesbian sex, toe sucking or Pride and Prejudice, find more stuff that explores that theme.

4. Apply.

You might have only one fantasy at a time or many. Don't judge your erotic landscape or be ashamed of it. Use it to build arousal and ultimately feel deep pleasure. Block out all other thoughts and concentrate on your favourite fantasy during lovemaking or when masturbating. It is no-ones responsibility to give you pleasure. It is your responsibility to accept pleasure into your own mind and body.

Fantasy is a brilliant tool to fuel your passion, increase desire and unlock your orgasmic potential.

You may be also be interested in Fantasy and the Sexual Psyche.

Sign up to our newsletter for your weekly dose of Passionfruit Pulp