Pelvic floor trainers and dilators can often be shrouded in mystery. What are they? How do they work, and why might you use them? Fear not, my friends. Our in-house sexologist Tori Bellentina is here to help answer your questions with pro tips for inserting dilators and using a pelvic trainer.


What are dilators or pelvic floor trainers and how do they work?

Pelvic floor dilators/trainers are a useful tool for individuals experiencing conditions like vaginismus, vulvodynia, or other pelvic health concerns. These conditions can cause discomfort or pain during penetration due to involuntary muscle tightness or chronic sensitivity in the vulva and vaginal area. Dilators work by gently stretching and relaxing the muscles over time, retraining the pelvic floor and reducing anxiety around penetration.


So, if I’ve recently been advised to use a pelvic floor trainer or dilator, how do I begin to use them?

Here’s a step-by-step guide for using pelvic floor trainers/dilators:


1. Create a safe space

Set the mood: Find a quiet, private place where you can relax without interruptions. Use a blanket, pillow, or comfortable cushion to lie on. Lighting a candle, playing music, or watching something that relaxes or arouses you can also help put you in the right mindset.

Take your time: There's no need to rush. Make sure you feel as calm and relaxed as possible before you begin. A warm bath or deep breathing exercises beforehand can help ease any tension.


2. Start with the smallest trainer

Choose the right size: Depending on your personal needs and goals, you may be recommended a suite of dilators to use over time. Begin with the smallest dilator in your set. Start gently and gradually move to larger sizes as your body adjusts.

Apply plenty of lubricant: Use a generous amount of water-based lubricant throughout your journey. If you have sensitivity issues, a silicone hybrid lube (safe for silicone toys) might be better. Passionfruit offers a range of lubricants tailored to specific needs, like sensitive skin or irritation-prone individuals.

3. Get comfortable
Find a comfortable position: You can lie on your back with your knees bent and feet flat on the ground, or use a pillow to support your back and thighs. Experiment to see what feels best.

Relax your pelvic muscles: Before inserting the dilator, focus on relaxing your pelvic muscles. Slow, deep breaths or consciously ‘letting go’ of any tension in your pelvic area can help.

Optional link with arousal: Some find it helpful to become aroused or shift into a pleasure-focused mindset before starting. This can be important if your goal is to eventually have more comfortable, pleasurable sex, helping you to feel more relaxed and in tune with your body.

4. Insertion
Gentle insertion: Hold the trainer at the base and slowly, gently insert it into the vagina. Only go as far as is comfortable. If it feels too uncomfortable, pause, breathe, and relax before proceeding.

Take it slow: Remember, the goal is to feel a stretch, not pain. This might mean not inserting the dilator fully the first time, and that’s completely okay.

5. Hold the trainer in place
Resting phase: Once inserted, hold the dilator in place for a few minutes. You may feel a mild stretch—that’s normal. Focus on slow breathing and relaxation.

Repeat if helpful: Some find it useful to remove the trainer, re-engage with arousal, and then reinsert it, perhaps going a bit further. You can repeat this process to increase comfort and relaxation.

Optional movement: Gently moving the trainer in small circles or back-and-forth can help further relax the muscles.

6. Gradually increase time
Start with short sessions: Initially, keep sessions brief (5-10 minutes). Over time, gradually extend them to 15-20 minutes, if comfortable.

Be consistent: Aim to use the trainers regularly, a few times per week depending on your comfort and treatment plan. Consistency leads to better results.

7. Move up in size when you’re ready
Listen to your body: Once the smallest trainer feels comfortable and you can insert it without discomfort, move on to the next size. This can take days or weeks, so move at your own pace.

Repeat the process: Follow the same steps with each larger trainer, giving your body time to adjust.

8. Practice relaxation throughout
Stay mindful: Anxiety or discomfort can arise, especially if penetration has been painful in the past. Focus on deep breathing and staying calm during and after the session. Associating the process with relaxation rather than stress is key.

Seek support if needed: If you experience significant pain or feel overwhelmed, consider consulting a pelvic floor physiotherapist or sexologist for extra support.

Passionfruit offers in-store consults with a range of specialists within the sexology and sensuality space. Book a 60-min private consultation to access personalised and uninterrupted advice from a specialist within our team.

9. Aftercare
Clean your trainers: Wash the dilators with warm water and mild, unscented soap, or use a toy cleaner. Allow them to air dry before storing them in a clean, dry place. For those with sensitive skin, sterilising them by boiling in hot water for 5 minutes can be a chemical-free option.

Self-care: After each session, take time to do something calming or enjoyable—whether it’s reading, having tea, or practising other forms of self-care. If discomfort lingers, a warm compress or gentle stretching can help.

Woman in a white dress holds a strawberry in front of her pubic area

Okay, I’ve tried all of these things. Is there anything else you’d recommend, in tandem with this mindful process?


  • Be patient: The process is gradual. Be kind to yourself and avoid pushing through pain.
  • Consider professional support: If you feel stuck or unsure about your progress, a pelvic floor therapist or sexologist can offer guidance and reassurance.
  • Include vibration: adding the element of vibration can make the process more enjoyable and comfortable. Vibration has the ability to dull pain as our brain will focus first on the vibration leaving pain as the secondary sensation.
  • This is the beginning of your journey toward more comfortable, pleasurable experiences. Take your time, listen to your body, and celebrate each small step.

Want to learn more about pelvic health conditions and treatment

Let us know and we can share more insights from our community of health professionals and specialists in this area.


Ready to book in a sexology consultation?

Get in touch to book a 1-hour appointment with our in-house sexologist Tori.

Tori has been working with Passionfruit for the last eight years as an in-store educator, in that time she has voraciously inhaled as much knowledge as humanly possible regarding sexual health and education. Tori is a graduate from Curtin University Sexology and continues to stay up to date and further build on her knowledge. Read more