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STEPS TO TAKE…TO GET YOUR MOJO BACK
1. WHAT'S THE REASON?
After giving birth you're basically on a hormonal rollercoaster for 2-6 months - longer if you're breastfeeding, so it's absolutely normal to not feel like sex. If you're still experiencing low libido after 6 months or have other symptoms like anxiety, depression, weight gain or chronic fatigue then it's time to visit the GP who might prescribe treatment.
2. OPTIONS
A lack of libido, results in a lack of interest in sex. And a lack of sex reduces libido so it can be a bit of a Catch 22. Talk to your partner about it and instead start to do simple, intimate things like holding hands, massaging and cuddling. Physical affection can build and lead to sex when you’re both ready.
Normalise the use of sex toys, lubricant, masturbation, erotica and communication. Check out Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski to learn more about what drives and inhibits your desire, and how it's perfectly normal to feel the way you're feeling. Otherwise, books like 101 Nights of Great Sex are fantastic in providing ways to rekindle romance and sex for the avid reader.
3. SOFT AND ROUGH SEX
While it's not sensual in the way we expect, looking after a baby takes all of the senses. Those feelings of love and intimacy that we previously shared with our partner can often be fulfilled by our precious newborn. So sex can even feel a bit weird. Or maybe it's straight-up awkward because the baby is in the bedroom with you or nipple play is off limits while you’re breastfeeding.
The hormone oxytocin is involved in milk let-down and also sexual arousal so it's completely normal to associate feeling sensual and sexual when breastfeeding and this can be a bit discombobulating for some. It's also completely normal to have zero interest in sex when breastfeeding. A very wise woman once advised me to stop having sensual sex for a while and to start having some rougher sex. A slap on the bottom or a nipple clamp can snap you out of maternal mode and into the mindset of a more primal, sexual creature. BDSM here we come!
4. IT'S NOT A RACE
Being on a different sexual wavelength to your partner can be stressful but things will get back on track eventually. When to have sex again is mostly about when you feel ready so listen to your body and keep your partner in the loop.
Peter
From my own experience, as the male partner, the best advice is to communicate openly and honestly with each other. For us blokes, we tend to forget the ‘trauma’ of expecting and then delivering a baby and why, whilst we might be ready, willing and able, our female partner might take some time to get back into the mood. Whilst some choice words might have been directed to your husband in the birthing suite in the midst of your labour, one assumes that you still love and care for him post-natal. Thus, maybe you need to explore what levels of intimacy you can cope with. Provided you feel comfortable with ‘pleasuring’ your partner in ways other than vaginal intercourse or blowjobs, us guys have vivid imaginations and are generally happy with what you might desire to offer. Life is full of compromises and I am sure that with open and honest communication, a mutually satisfying arrangement can be reached and fulfilled. As they say, baby steps at first. But one hopes you might get back to having a full and rewarding intimate relationship with your husband before your baby actually takes their first steps.